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The Eastern Advocate

Following the success of the Penrith Panthers’ exhibition game in Bathurst, the AFL under the backing of Eddy Maguire has announced that next year’s AFL grand final will indeed be held at George Park.

Maguire told reporters that the MCG had lost a lot of the culture which “had once made it a great mecca for the game.” The Eastern Advocate interpreted this to mean that basically since last year’s final there were too many people whose average number of teeth was 0.9, due to the high influx of Collingwood supporters.

Upon researching their two options for the game, George Park 1 or George Park 2, the AFL encountered the local saga of Giants vs Bushrangers. However, they soon discovered that the Giants were by far the superior club, their first grade team being led by the legendary ‘Kenno.’ When the Eastern Advocate attempted to find out Kenno’s first name, they were shocked to learn that his birth certificate simply read ‘Kenno’, and the man is often invited to parties with other one-name celebrities, including Beyonce, Jay Z, the Rock and Bono.

When queeried about the possible reduction in seating capacity, as George Park is slightly smaller than the MCG, the AFL was not worried. “We’ll supply picnic rugs, some bar stools and there’ll be plenty of those god-awful metal stands that we assembled ourselves after buying them from Bunnings,” the AFL said in an official press release.

Tickets are on sale now, and can be purchased for a cool $4999, plus GST, shipping and handling, and a small administration fee. However, the AFL would like to note that Collingwood supporters are prevented from purchasing tickets, and will be upholding this policy through an official tooth count for any fan planning on buying them.

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