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The Eastern Advocate

A local dad by the name of Gary Davison has recently built an underground tunnel outside his house. The tunnel, which is 10 feet deep, has been dug for the sole purpose of giving the postman an alternate route on his motorcycle, to deter him from riding over Gary’s immaculately maintained lawn.

Gary has been furious with the postie for a number of weeks now, as he continues to ride over the top of the lawn, despite the numerous signs that have been installed by the father of four. “I’ve put up 3 signs, all threatening to call his superiors at Australia Post. But nothing has worked, so I thought I had to do something a little different.”

The postie in question, Marcel Parcel, says he didn’t give a shit about some old bloke’s lawn. “I couldn’t care less. Sometimes I deliberately ride over their lawn. I once rode through a recently planted grove of birch trees and knocked every single one over.”

Mr Parcel’s behaviour is slightly concerning, however he is a model employee in comparison to some of his colleagues at Australia Post. It has been reported that some employees have been licking the wrong side of stamps, and sticking them on upside down. Another employee was found eating a stack of envelopes, which he seasoned with salt and pepper before devouring them. 

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