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The Eastern Advocate

Reports are surfacing this morning of the extremely exciting news that legendary cricketer and known loose bloke, Shane Warne, will be taking control of the DJ decks at the Oxford Hotel on New Years Eve.

Warne, who has no known affiliation with Bathurst, but is said to be short on a bit of cash, says he is keen to party with the people of one of the greatest cities in the Central West. “I can’t wait! As long as I’m allowed to smoke durries and sink piss during my set then it’ll all be sweet.”

International sensation, Iyaz, will be performing at The Ox a week earlier, however Warne feels no pressure to replicate the talents and high standards of the world class entertainer. “I’m a world class entertainer myself mate! Ever heard of a thing called leg-spin? I’ve got a better head of hair than Iyaz anyway. He’s a pretender.”

Iyaz was afforded a right of reply by the Eastern Advocate, however he declined, stating that Warne had defeated him. “Check mate. Warney’s got me there. Credit to him his hair is looking beautiful at the moment.”

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