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The Eastern Advocate

In a decision which will anger many Bathurst residents that have never actually caught the train to Sydney, the NSW Government announced today that they are in talks with themselves about bypassing Bathurst with the proposed ‘fast train’ as we already have the ‘Bathurst Bullet’ service.

“The word ‘fast’ is no-where near as quick as the word ‘bullet’ so I don’t see why we’d bother putting in a slower network,” said the NSW Premier who wishes to remain anonymous. “I’d much rather spend the money on ripping down perfectly good stadiums and rebuilding them.”

Bathurst residents are furious and rightly so, especially after local man Forest Gumpson raced the bullet to Sydney last month and won, amplifying how slow the current rail service is.

When informed about this, the Premier stated “She’ll be right”

Eastern Advocate can definitely confirm, she will not be right.

One of those locals that has never caught the train to Sydney, who goes by the name of Nhoe Woncares, put in his unwanted but ‘valued’ opinion on a matter that has nothing to do with him. “Public transport is overrated, why can’t we just drive everywhere we need. Look if I was in power, I’d bloody rip those train tracks up myself and give the people what they want…a tunnel straight through the Blue Mountains”.

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