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The Eastern Advocate


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The Eastern Advocate

A big player in the Australian bottle shop game, Dan Murphy’s, has decided to take all alcohol off their shelves in order to avoid and health and safety nightmares. The news comes after Bunnings Warehouse decided to serve onion underneath the sausage on their sausage sangas, due to concerns over people slipping on the onion.

Dan Murphy’s has imported extremely large quantities of sparkling water, which is believed to be their main selling point now. “It tastes like TV static!” Said one unhappy local customer.

Eastern Advocate agrees that sparkling water is one of the worst things ever and we question it’s very existence.

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