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The Eastern Advocate

A local idiot by the name of Brett Matthews, has today claimed that he is quite pleased with the current price of petrol in the Bathurst region. The prices have been hovering at a high level for an extended period of time, and it has left many locals frustrated.

Mr Matthews, who is already untrustworthy because he has two first names in his name, said he didn’t think the petrol prices were a major issue. “The prices are quite reasonable actually. If you have no kids, no partner, don’t pay tax, win the lottery at least 3 times a year, and raise money for yourself whilst masquerading as a charity for sick kids. It’s really nothing more than a very small purchase.”

The Eastern Advocate is not allowed to pass this information into the police, because of a non-disclosure agreement we signed prior to interviewing Mr Matthews. However, if the police are reading this, please arrest him immediately. He also murdered two of our employees on the way out of our office, but we can’t do anything about it because of the non-disclosure agreement.

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