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Renowned national business Jim’s Household and General Services, made famous by their service Jim’s Mowing, has announced in Bathurst’s daily press conference that they are moving their company headquarters to Bathurst, and are sharing a building with the Eastern Advocate.

The move is coupled with a drastic expansion in Jim’s services. Jim himself ordered a new fleet of vehicles for his new businesses. These include Jim’s Water Tanks, Jim’s Military Tanks, Jim’s Harmonica Tutelage, JimBnB, Jimify, and there are potential investment opportunities for Jimcoin. However, Bathurst is most excited about Jim’s Gyms, which in efforts to outdo local business Snap Fitness, has announced that it will be open 367 days a year.

Considering our reporters now share a coffee machine with Jim himself, we had some very pressing questions for the man who is considering running for Prime Minister in the next election. When asked what his last name was, Jim said, “I personally don’t have a last name. I’m like Beyonce, or Drake. I’m in their league, you know? Coincidentally, we have a service for changing your last name. Jim’s Completely Official Naming Service.”

Jim also talked about further plans for the business. “Since our revenue has increased so much, we’re planning on branching out further. There are several more businesses in the pipeline, such as Jim’s School Camps, Jim’s Strip Clubs, and Jim’s Local Council.”

“Jim’s Services will also be establishing Jim’s Media Empire, which will have the Eastern Advocate as its figurehead. Bloody good paper that.”

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