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The Eastern Advocate

After the shocking news that Bunnings Warehouse have decided to put the onion under the sausage on their famous sausage sandwiches, an even more shocking occurrence has taken place. The onions were considered as a slipping risk for Bunnings customers, and due to Health and Safety precautions, the measures were taken to reduce the risk.

However, yesterday evening, as the city was coming to a halt for the day, pieces of barbecued onion began to fall from the sky. The Bureau of Meteorology had predicted precipitation last night, but it wasn’t in the form of cooked onions.

The raining onions caused a great deal of damage, with cars swerving all over the roads as the onions made it incredibly slippery. Pedestrians were slipping all over the place, with one man slipping all the way along Durham Street without even stopping. “I slipped over just in front of Terrace Thai, and didn’t stop til the traffic lights outside of Maccas! It was pandemonium.”

In total, the recorded precipitation was 110mm of onions, which is a record for any food related precipitation anywhere in the world. The next closest was the 80mm of gum balls that fell from the sky in the movie Bedtime Stories, starring Adam Sandler.

The locals of Bathurst have been subjected to a flash flooding of onions, and the streets are now swiftly filling up with onions. It is believed Tony Abbott has been contacted, in what seems to be a one man job, to clean up the mess.

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