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The Eastern Advocate


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The Eastern Advocate

The perennially underachieving Australian Rugby Team, the Wallabies, have come up with an ingenious plan following their 37-18 loss to England overnight. Desperate measures need to be taken, after their 6th straight loss to the Poms, and it seems that a coaching assistant, Dane Clarkson, has finally found the answer.

Clarkson revealed his plan to Eastern Advocate reporters after participating in the now very common post match crying huddle that the Aussies have implemented. “We’re going to clone the boys, so that they can come up against themselves in a game. Therefore it’ll be a very weak opposition so we should be able to get the win.”

There are a number of concerns regarding the plan, with the amount of unfortunate anti-gay tweeting before the match expected to be at all time high, with two Israel Folau’s being behind the keyboard at the same time, and the level of post-match bender participation expected to reach unprecedented levels, with two Kurtley Beale’s hitting up the clubs at once.

It is hoped that Matt Toomua will be fit for the match, otherwise there will not be a goal kicked if Bernard Foley has to assume the kicking duties for both teams. Michael Cheika is believed to be part of the cloning plan as well, and he will take the reins for both Australia and Australia. “It should be a good game., hopefully I can get the win for once! It will be good for my coaching percentages anyway.”

More to come.

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