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The Eastern Advocate

As a result of Bathurst council’s latest efforts to increase the safety of the Bathurst region, it has been announced at the daily Bathurst media press conference that all school zone speeds in the region will be decreased from 40 km/hr to -5 km/hr.

The man behind the move, Jay Walker, told the Eastern Advocate that the initiative will ensure that all children in the region can safely walk the streets without fear of a traffic accident. “It’s been great. We’re seeing kids just stroll across the road without even looking anymore. None of this look right, look left, look right again crap. They should be able to walk across the road any time they like. It’s not like they need to learn safety or how to look after themselves for later on in life.”

There have been some practicality issues raised with the move. Local resident Danny Strawberry, who recently opened Bathurst’s second ice-cream parlour, says that he can no longer get to work if he leaves home between 8 am and 4:30 pm on weekdays. “I get to the school zone, and of course like the good law abiding citizen I am, I start driving at negative 5 km an hour. Which for all those non-intellectual people out there is just 5 km/hr in reverse. So I start driving backwards. And then when I leave the school zone I start going fifty kilometres an hour in the forwards direction until I reach it again. I just keep going back and forth until the school zone time finishes. Not very handy when you’ve got a business to run but what can you do?”

There are rumours that Mr Jay Walker introduced the initiative as part of his 2019 mayoral campaign in Bathurst. However, with Graham Hanger’s soaring popularity following the renaming of the coat-hanger in his honour, the Eastern Advocate very much doubts whether Mr Walker has any chance to gain a major role in council.

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