The Bathurst community is fortunate to enjoy a wide culinary experience when it comes to pies. We’ve got PeeWees, Carah’s Cakes and Pies, and many others. However, confusion has run rampant after two separate pie shops, who shall remain anonymous, both declared that, according to a trusted pie awards ceremony, they both had the ‘best pies in Australia’.
The announcement was made by both shops on the same morning, with a huge crowd gathering around each of the blackboards outside the respective shops. Many well-wishers were obviously keen to congratulate the shops for such a considerable achievement, with local swimmer Ian Thorpe telling the Eastern Advocate, “Yeah I come here a lot now that the aquatic centre has closed for a bit. Anyway this is something to be extremely proud of. The best pies in Australia! All very official too.”
However, the dissension soon spread among the thousands outside the respective stores when the crowds got so large that they merged. Many locals were extremely confused when they realised what had occurred, and a local maths teacher started to calculate how it was possible for both shops to claim the title at once. Pie sales soared by over 3000% following the mass confusion, with locals themselves attempting to discern who really does have the best pie in Australia.
Mr Ian Thorpe wished to extend this pie tasting bonanza, and has now set out on a two month road trip across Australia, ensuring that Bathurst is accurate in its claims over pie quality. However, Mr Thorpe told the Eastern Advocate that he was “as muddled up as the waters of the aquatic centre” when he found that approximately 93% of all pie shops in Australia claim to have ‘the best pie in the country.’ Eager to bring his findings back to the Bathurst community, Mr Thorpe is now returning from Broken Hill and has signed a book deal to publish his findings, titled The Pie Conspiracy: Each Pie in Australia Ranked from Best to Oberon.
The owners of the local Bathurst shops who both made the big claim have declined to talk with Eastern advocate reporters. There are rumours that both shops applied for advertising in the Western Advocate, who lost the applications and have now forgotten about it.