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The Eastern Advocate

A local man by the name of Eddie O’Malley has accidentally participated in the weekly Bathurst Park Run this weekend. The fun, light hearted activity is held each Saturday morning at 8:30, and is designed as a way to get locals out and about, and to keep fit, whilst enjoying the beautiful morning sun.

However thanks to a large Friday night, that went deep into the hours of Saturday morning, Mr O’Malley found himself joining in on the fun. It is believed Mr O’Malley was sinking schooners at the Oxford Hotel until very late, and was kicked out by bouncers at around 3AM. He went and got himself a feed at Macca’s, and at around 6AM, he decided to begin the long trek home. It is unknown if he was eating for those whole three hours, but given his obese frame, it’s likely that was the case.

On his walk home, Mr O’Malley encountered a couple of police officers cruising down the street, as he stumbled across the road. They asked him to come and have a word with him, but Mr O’Malley was having none of that. He took off. He sprinted (ran very slowly), towards a large group of people in short shorts and sun protecting visors. Unbeknown to him, the cops didn’t even bother to chase, but Mr O’Malley was taking no chances, and continued sprinting through the group of runners.

He ended up finishing in 3rd place, and managed to beat a number of high quality runners, mainly due to the fact that he pushed them into the river when they were running across the low level bridge. He collected his medal, had a photo on the podium, and was on his way. It is believed Mr O’Malley has fled Bathurst and has started a new life in Perthville, no doubt absolutely living it up.

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