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The Eastern Advocate


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The Eastern Advocate

Shocking news has come out of the Bathurst region on Saturday, with reports that a local duck, by the name of Derek, has refused the offerings of a nice morning snack. Local mother, Amy Walters, said she was walking with her two children in the park at about 10:30am, when she pulled out a spare loaf of bread she had brought from home for the kids to feed the ducks with.

However, their pleasant morning activity was rudely interrupted when Derek the duck threw a piece of bread back over the fence to the children. Eastern Advocate was able to obtain an exclusive interview with Derek, and he spared no detail. He explained that he suffered from coeliac disease, meaning that he cannot consume gluten. “Quack quack quack quack quack,” exclaimed Derek.

It is believed that Derek questioned the young family to see if they came prepared for his needs, “Quack quack quack?” Our professional duck translator said that in English, this means, “Do you possibly have a rye option?”

Derek isn’t the only duck in Machattie Park that suffers from an eating disorder; his mother Daphne is lactose intolerant, so she has to steer clear of dairy items, and she unfortunately can’t have a soft serve when the ducks go on their daily Macca’s run.

Daphne’s close friend, Patricia, says she suffers from a more serious disease. “Quack quack quackity quack,” which translates to, “I am allergic to stationary items such as pens, erasers and pencil sharpeners, but this doesn’t really affect me because they aren’t really on offer very much. The occasional kid will throw a whole pencil case in there, and that’s when I know I’m in trouble.”

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