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The Eastern Advocate


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The Eastern Advocate

Local Newcastle lad Claude Beitz has a reputation. It is a reputation that demands respect.

A reputation that has his peers frightened to their cores. And a reputation that is accompanied by a fierce sense of determination, despite how effortless it may seem. Claude is a 20 year old student at the University of Newcastle (UON), but it seems that he is attending for more reasons than to simply gain a tertiary qualification. He moved to UON at the beginning of 2017, and in under 2 years, has acquired the reputation that he now so dangerously possesses.

Eastern Advocate reached out to a number of fellow UON students, otherwise known as Claude’s victims, or “Beitz’s Bitchez”, as he likes to refer to them. These students are the men who have had their girls stolen so viscously from them by the fearless foe that is Claude Beitz.

Beitz Bitchez first ever member, who we will call Adam, even though his name isn’t Adam, says his life has never been the same since his girl was stolen right from his arms. “I was just chilling with my girl on the couch, and the next thing I know, Claude swoops in and picks her up in a fireman’s carry and legit walks out the door.” At this point in the interview Adam began to cry. It was too much for him. So Eastern Advocate decided to move on to the next victim. Adam is a lost cause.

Beitz Bitchez victim number 2, ‘Bailey’, is slightly more emotionally stable than Adam, so we were able to get a reasonable interview and explanation out of him. Bailey explained that he and his girlfriend were walking down the footpath next to the road, and out of nowhere, Claude sped past on a Harley Davidson Motorcycle and plucked Bailey’s girl from the footpath, straight onto the seat behind him. At this point in the interview Bailey started to cry. It was too much for him. So Eastern Advocate decided to end the article. Because we’ve made too many people cry.

Claude however, has one last message for any guys that think they have a solid relationship going with their girlfriend, “Look out Bitchez, Beitz is on his way.”

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