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The Eastern Advocate

The Bathurst Aquatic Centre has been greatly anticipated as the epicentre of our town’s summer activities, but this has been put into question by the recent biohazard scare surrounding the pool.

Last week there were reports of a used bandaid being found floating near the Lane 4 lane-rope by regular swimmer Ian Thorpe. “I swim laps at the Bathurst aquatic centre every morning, and I was horrified by the bandaid that I saw through my new Zoggs goggles.” The pool has been declared a quarantine zone for a month while chemical experts investigate the toxicity of the water.

Mr Grant Danyeah, who is CEO of the Bathurst Aquatic Centre, said that the news was certainly a wake-up call. “You know, sometimes your level of hygiene slips a bit. You become complacent,” Mr Danyeah admitted. “We haven’t had a nappy in the pool since ’02. So I guess this was a good reminder that we constantly need to be on our guard against slips like these.”

The Bathurst Aquatic Centre was renovated in 2007, and has since become the proving ground for many males aged 11-14 years, who attempt to front-flip off the diving blocks when the lifeguard isn’t looking. “Those blocks have never been open in all my time as a lifeguard,” local Sum Tin Fishei boasted.

The Bathurst Aquatic Centre is renowned for its symbiotic relationship with the nearby Maccas, who are financially concerned at the effect the pool’s closure will have on their profit margins. According to Eastern Advocate financial analysis, the McDonald’s makes over 89% of their profits from pool-goers in December and January, and are anxious to confront the possibly crippling effects the bandaid scare will have on their business.

Bathurstians are praying that the pool will be declared re-open in time for summer’s influx of aquatic-related fun.

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