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The Eastern Advocate


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The Eastern Advocate

Along with delivering the best in local news, the Eastern Advocate is dedicated to exploring the intricacies of often complex and largely ambiguous geopolitical issues. Along with the Arab-Israeli conflict, the Cold War and Katy Perry’s twitter battle with Taylor Swift, the Scots School takeover of All Saints’ College has been one of the most hotly contested international dissensions of this century.

Initiated by a series of less than scrupulous (read: completely insane) financial decisions by the Anglican Diocese of Bathurst, the International Court of Justice deemed that All Saints’ College was indeed under the jurisdiction of the Anglican Church. The sale process was immediately underway in order to pay off the debt of the Anglican Diocese, which some financial analysts have estimated at $14 trillion and several prize-winning cows.

Although there are historians who have written countless books and articles on all variations of perspectives on the issue, the majority of writers have concluded that All Saints’ is the victim. David Attenborough is a historian best known for his treatise on one of All Saints’ most illustrious Headmasters, titled, Adam Chen: The Man Behind the (League of) Legends.

In an exclusive interview with the Eastern Advocate, Attenborough revealed what he believed to be the true catalyst for such a preposterous merger. “Well, it was the bloody bishop. At least 22 offers from other organisations, and the bishop ended up turning them all down. Talk about poor business management. Oh, would you look at that, there’s a warty-faced honeyeater.”

Since the merger was announced, the two schools have sought to come together, with sports teams, year groups and even teachers now sharing many activities. The name chosen for the merger process, The Integration, has sparked rumours of a 4.29 hour blockbuster cinematic release about the schools in 2019, starring Hugh Jackman in every role except that of Mr Jackman, who will be played by himself. The merger has also given way to chants of ‘Trust the process,” which can often be heard in the new P and F meetings.

Stay tuned with the Eastern Advocate to see these schools come together, and hopefully not fall apart, in 2019.

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