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A middle aged Sydney couple has unfortunately decided to have a ‘quiet weekend escape’ to the country on the Bathurst 1000 weekend.

Brian and Bernadette Miller work hard at their 9-5 jobs. They deserve a quiet weekend getaway to a pleasant, peaceful and placid country town. The couple decided to go with Bathurst, after careful consideration, and despite Brian’s inclination towards visiting somewhere other than Bathurst – a much better choice – they packed the car on Friday afternoon and headed down the motorway.

Brian comes from inner Sydney. His idea of a country outing is a ferry trip around circular quay on Sunday morning with his pumpkin spice latte in hand. Similarly, Bernadette was born in Manly, and the last time she visited the country was the nation-wide compulsory Year 6 excursion to Canberra that is actually just a government scheme to ensure that at least someone visits Parliament House every year.

After they had driven out of their familiar surrounds of the bustling city, Brian noticed that the traffic was still quite heavy. He put it down to the fact that it was Friday afternoon, and that “plenty of country bumpkins work in the city and drive home for the weekend.” But as they passed over The Blue Mountains, and headed into the sh*t hole that is Lithgow, they began to worry. There were camper vans, Holden and Ford flags streaming from car windows, Bernadette even claims to have seen Craig Lowndes driving in the lane next to them. “What a nice man with such lovely hair,” Bernadette told Eastern Advocate reporters.

“What a nice man with such lovely hair.”

Bernadette and Brian are also rumoured to have run into Greg Inglis in Lithgow, participating in an illegal street racing competition with him that ended in Inglis being charged with drink driving.

As they edged closer and closer to Bathurst, they saw a huge number of signs and advertising relating to the Great Race, and the unfortunate realisation hit them. They were going to spend their quiet country getaway with 200 000 drunk, angry bogans. Bad luck Brian and Bernie. Bad luck.

(In other news, sale of camp chairs and XXXX Gold has increased by 450% in the Bathurst region in the past week, in an economic turn that local business owners are describing as “the Golden Years of the Bathurst economy.”)

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